i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got inside last night via doggy door
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
