I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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