im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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