i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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