I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
