Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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