How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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