Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
