I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
