You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't turn off my feet"
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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