I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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