4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
