I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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