I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
