I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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