i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
