Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
