So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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