yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
