I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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