im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
