DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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