If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
