I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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