Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
