I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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