i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize