do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
