so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
