Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
