Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
