you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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