woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
