I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
