Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
