but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
