Kiss
Puke
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
