I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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