just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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