yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
