The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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