I accidentally burped into my bong.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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