I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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