The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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