In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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