it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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