u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Text me some of your sweat
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
