I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
