I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
