i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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