This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
