just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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