morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
