Farmville is her only friend.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
