ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
