I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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