I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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