just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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