Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
