That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
