it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
