I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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